When it rains it pours.

So I said to my best friend yesterday evening "when it rains it pours" but only with the intent to use the phrase as an expression of how when something happens, many things happen at the same time. She was expecting something negative, but in my case I only meant positive things. Have I been misinterpreting this phrase forever? I feel like I have heard the phrase in many contexts, positive and negative. But I could be wrong and I could have heard it used positively by my mother who is famous for misusing colloquialisms since English is not her first language. And since I learned english from her, you can imagine how crazy my use of common phrases can be at times.... My friend Karla Saia from childhood is a witness to that. She would always yell, "Clari, what you just said makes no sense!" I was always under the impression that most popular phrases in english were inevitably non-sensical.

In any case, "things appear in threes" and recently three positive things have happened. I was offered a job with high tech high media arts to work as an instructional coach and will be starting that job in January. I am excited because the school is all about educational reform and learning through experience and projects. As a result, the students are creating artistic masterpieces and learning in ways I never thought possible since I came from the public high school system. The students are incredibly smart and I would honestly venture to say even more intelligent than most of my undergrad students. The school has NO curriculum, no textbook, no worksheets and no certified-by-california-state educational plan. I.e. they are making up the curriculum as they go. Incredible. And they are extremely successful. Somehow the students are continually scoring high on all academic tests and standards given by the state. They are receiving scholarships from top schools like Stanford and MIT..... you name it, they are succeeding.

Secondly, I was offered a consultant job for the Mingei Museum in Balboa park. Pretty cool because they specialize in Folkloric art and history. Which is right up my alley since my degrees are focused in Latin American History and literature. Furthermore, they want me to work in their library and help with cataloging their collections. All the type of experience I need to be fully employable as a possible curator/museum historian or museum librarian in the future. Which, of course, would be my dream job.

Lastly, I was also offered another job with San Diego City Schools which would make me a library technician for the schools of San Diego County. This and the high tech high job would compete in my mind and I am just not sure which is the best offer to take. On the one hand, I envision myself more of a university professor/ librarian and researcher, but on the other hand, there isn't much demand for either job. Whereas, San Diego is in constant need for lower level teachers and educational administrators. High Tech High would pay for my teaching credential and my administration degree if I stayed with them and their starting pay is much higher than any job I would get in the San Diego Union School District. That being said, their benefits and stability are in question since they are charter schools. The library job would be a steady, easy job that might allow me the opportunity to get library experience in a very practical environment and give me benefits and the ability to start working towards a retirement fund... But I would eventually need to find a new job as it would not pay the bills forever. Meanwhile, I still need to do all these things and find a way to finish this dissertation. The High Tech High officials fully supported my desire to finish and offered me a part-time job, despite wanting a full-time employee, so I could finish and dedicate my afternoons to writing. I don't know. I need a bit more time to mull over the situation. But I am leaning towards high tech high and library consultation work.

We will see.

When it rains it pours..... I think.

Allison is 2!

 

 

 

 

Fluttering Love

my article was published! Here's the link to the CHC's website! Very excited!

http://library.miami.edu/uml/chc/2010/11/08/fluttering-love-the-language-of-the-fan-in-havana-1895-1898/

monique and i

Monique: the children that live below us are practicing their english though
they've written cuss words on the lawn furniture out front
bitch
fuck
shit
me: awesome

Clarisa Mondejar's Resume 2010

Clarisa Mondéjar
12050 Via Hacienda, El Cajon, CA 92019
Phone: 619-818-0142
clari.mondejar@gmail.com

Objective:
Ph.D in History: Focusing on Cuban and Latin American History.

Education:
Ph.D candidate, History- Cuba and Latin America, UNC Chapel Hill, 2007- present
Dissertation Topic: Ordinary Life in Extraordinary Times: Daily Life in Havana, 1895-1898. M.A., Latin American Studies, University at Miami, May 2007 Concentrations: Immigration, Diaspora, Cuban Race Relations, Cuban Transition Master’s Thesis: An Analysis of US Print Media’s Coverage of the “Cuban Transition": The Clinton Years to the Present. B.A, Latin American History and Spanish Language and Literature, University of Chicago, Chicago, IL, 2004 Minor in Psychology Bachelor’s Thesis: An Analysis of Transnational Identity through Cristina Garcia’s “Dreaming in Cuban”.
Academic Work and Research Experience:
University of Miami Cuban Heritage Collections Fellow: Summer and Fall 2010
Teacher’s Assistant for the UNC-Chapel Hill History Department 6 semesters, 2007-2009
Classes taught: US History after 1865, Atlantic Slave Trade, Native American History, Peace War and Defense, Colonial Latin American Society, 1492-1750, Latin America in the Post-independence Period.
Research Assistant for Dr. Steve Stein
Research Topic: Modernizing and Development of the Argentine Wine Industry during the past 30 years. University of Miami 2006-2007
Research Assistant for Dr. Rebecca Biron
Research Topic: Representation of writer Elena Garro in Mexican electronic and print media.
University of Miami 2005-2006
Academic Adviser and Coordinator for Hispanic Scholarship Fund
Responsibilities: Advising minority students about college scholarships and funding opportunities.
Miami, Florida 2006-2007

Grants and Fellowships:
• University of Miami, Cuban Heritage Collection, University Fellow Summer and Fall 2010
• University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Mellon Dissertation Research Grant, 2010
• University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill Mellon Travel Grant for Rio de Janeiro, Brazil:
• University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill Tuition Remission and Teaching Fellowship, 2007- 2012.
• University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill - Tinker Research Grant: Enabled me to study archives in Cuba
• University of Miami Tuition Remission for Academic Achievement Scholarship, Full Tuition: 2005-2007
• Awarded University of Miami’s Latin American Studies Department Research Fellowship: 2005-2007
• University of Chicago Academic Achievement Tuition Grant, $26,000 + per year: 2000-2004
• University of Chicago FLAG Grant for Studies Abroad $2000, Summer 2003

Papers accepted, presented, and published:
Cuban Heritage Collection, University of Miami, Online newspaper—Pregones— “Fluttering love: the language of the fan in Havana, 1895-1898,” Published November 2010.
Cuban Heritage Collection Lecture Series, University of Miami, September 2010: “Daily life in Havana: Love and crime during wartime.”
LASA Conference, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, June 2009: “Consumption and the formation of Cubanidad: Cuban consumerism, 1891-1903.”
NCGS History Conference, Raleigh, NC, February 2010. “Ordinary life during extraordinary times: Entertainment and Recreation in Havana, 1895-1898.”
SECOLAS Conference, Mexico City, Mexico, April 2010. “Conspicuous consumption and leisure: Imitating “modernity” in Havana, 1895-1898.”

Awards and Honors:
Awarded Valiant Viking Award for Exceptional School Service: June 2000, Coca-Cola Scholar/ Finalist Scholarship Winner: June 2000, Ford Motor Company Scholar: June 2000, Gates Millennium Scholar: June 2000, 1999 Exceptional Opinion Editorial in Regional California State Journalism Competition (3 awarded in CA)

smelling a black rose

 

Dorothy of Oz

 

 

 

 

how I remember uncle lu--- the eternal cuban hippie.

draft of the introduction to the book.

Porque siempre la realidad es llena de mentiras…..
Uncle Lu told me that writing the truth would always make someone angry. I wanted to write an academic article about a very famous man and relative of mine from Cuba. We own a diary which provides new information about a war hero from Havana and would literally change the way scholars would think about this man, but I could not publish anything because of who it would anger and their closeness to the family. Besides this case, there have been other instances while writing my dissertation where I have needed a document, but couldn’t find the document for the proper years. As a solution, I was told to use a document from different years that proved my point and say it was from the appropriate years. But I refused, I was a historian and historians didn’t lie about the past—or not so blatantly. Instead, we just made up what we thought a real-live document reflected about the past. We call it “analysis,” an “examination”. A historian’s lie is different. The lie is more legitimate, based on a perspective of the past formed in the present. A historian’s lie could reflect bits of truth. But this information only pertains to my academic life.
About my own personal history, I have a hard time keeping my facts straight and that could present a problem given I am about to tell several stories. Please excuse me if you see something that seems unbelievable in these tales. To be honest, I often didn’t believe the stories until I was provided with some kind of evidence or some document or photo proving whatever appeared extreme to be truth. Please remember I AM a historian. I need documents, photos, evidence, please. But still, I know some of these cuentitos will seem impossible. They will seem unreal and even eccentric. I think the biggest truth to learn in all of these stories, and something I am telling you upfront, is that I come from an odd group of people and I am lucky to walk straight, let alone speak well and succeed in school. I have no idea what is authentic and fantastic, but I have tried to siphon out what is truly and overwhelmingly impossible in these stories. What you have here is what math geeks would refer to as “the raw data set.” I am giving you the basics as I know them.
You see in the case of these stories the blurriness between fact and fiction is constant and difficult to decipher. I believe what I am telling you is the truth, but what I consider the accurate is based on my memory and on what others have told me. Even more worrisome is that these stories are based on my point of view, which may not have the facts completely straight. But these cuentitos are described in the ways that I experienced them. I have no reason to lie, but I have learned that everyone’s reality is filled with mentiras. I am sure that cardinal rule extends to me, since it does affect everyone else who surrounds me.
My family and I are from the Caribbean. Caribenos love to tell stories and they also love to exaggerate and add pizzazz to actual events. My friend Naomi is one very wonderful example, in that on a routine basis, she exaggerates about minutia. “Today I went to the market and they must have had 3,000 canelopes, Clari.” “So, Naomi, did they have like 30?” “Yes, they had some enormous amount of canelopes, can you believe it? I was amazed.” Or, “the plane ticket was so expensive, Clari. From Miami to San Diego, the plane cost like 900 dollars with taxes and stuff.” “Naomi, that ticket couldn’t cost more than 400 dollars.” “Yeah, I mean, imagine 400 dollars for a plane ticket, can you imagine? It might as well be 9, 400 dollars.” “Yeah, totally, Naomi.”
So if Naomi can go off about the plane tickets and canelopes, you can imagine the exaggerations that my friends and family make about the big events-- the monumental events-- that changed our lives and histories forever. But I have no idea where fact and fiction end, I just know it doesn’t matter anymore, because the fiction and the facts blend together to make my dysfunctional family’s history. Like everyone around me, I have a knack to put some flare into a bland story without even knowing it. “Because,” as my mother explained to me when I asked why Naomi exaggerated and lied about her minute and daily dealings (“Mami, seriously, who cares whether there were 3,000 or 30 canelopes at the market…. I get the point, there were a lot of canelopes, why doesn’t she just say there were a lot? Why say 3,000? Geesh!”), “Naomi isn’t lying in her mind, those lies are just an expression of how she really perceives the world. To her, and many people, the world is in a hyper-state. You are the only one who really registers her perspective of reality as a lie. But to her, that is just the way things are. And for those who exaggerate just to exaggerate…. Well, sometimes you just need some fun to get you through each day. Stop being judgmental, Clarisín. Abuelita always tells me you are judgmental and I think it might be true. ”
So this book will be a story about my realidad, full of mentiras and verdades.
Porque siempre la realidad es llena de mentiras…..

 

Baby Allie and Tia Titi

 

Shazaam!

As the waitress brought Abuelita her medianoche sandwich and placed it on the table, Abuelita began to pump her fists and yelled, "shazaam!" out of excitement for the food. After she ate the sandwich, she reaffirmed the statement by saying, "shazaam, that was good." True story.

My first serious "officle" and name tag to go with it!

Rough Draft of abanico article.....

The language of the fan and its incorporation into the routines of love in nineteenth and early twentieth-century Cuba is popularly known, but often overlooked as a topic of examination by Cuban historians. Travel diaries from the war period are critical sources that demonstrate despite the war in the countryside and Havana residents’ concern for their finances, catching cholera or yellow fever, love was infectious and life continued with its daily struggles, routines and traditions. Love and the customs that accompanied romance were maintained during the war period. The CHC contains many travel diaries from the 1880s and 1890s that document the language of the fan and visitors’ impressions of Cubans’ “public displays of affection”.
Businessman Albert Norton (Norton’s Complete Handbook of Havana and Cuba, 1900) and journalist Charles Pepper (To-morrow in Cuba, 1899) described love on Havana’s main drive as an organized process which the public understood and actively participated in their travel diaries. In the case of love and its relation to the fan, these diaries describe how men and women on the Prado walked in opposite directions around the Paseo del Prado. As men decided what women they liked, women strolled slowly around the drive, with their chaperones, sisters, cousins and girlfriends. After deciding which woman they preferred, the men would throw their handkerchiefs into the air, in front of the young woman, causing her to stop. The handkerchief would be picked up from the floor and the man would bow in front of her and leave. Men and women would walk another lap each gender proceeding in opposite directions and when their two paths crossed, the women would signal through a type of fluttering of their fan their degree of interest in the man.
This type of behavior was not limited to a couple’s first encounter and preceded through courtship. If a woman was unable to leave her home, but was fortunate enough to have a balcony that looked out over a public street or an open driveway meant for walking and driving, the language of the fan was also used. In Diario de las Americas, available through the CHC, the story of Flora Heredia demonstrates the relevance of the fan in courtship rituals in Havana. Heredia describes her own love story as one that occurred through passing glances, her use of the fan, and by accepting handkerchiefs while walking on the Paseo with her chaperone. Her courtship continued through a barred window, on a second story, where her abanico was the only means she could demonstrate signs of love to her beloved, Carlos Saladrigas y Lugón.
Historians Scarpaci, Segre and Coyula give specific accounts as to what each flutter of the fan meant in the language of love in their book Havana: two faces of the Antillean metropolis. Some translations include:
* If she quickly fanned herself this was intended to translate “I love you so much.”
* By passing the fan from one hand to the other, she accused the man of looking at other women.
* If she quickly and impetuously opened and closed the fan, she was displaying jealousy.
* resting her fan on her heart meant that her love for the man was breaking her heart.
* and by fanning herself with her left hand, instead of her right, a woman was telling her man aggressively, “I see you, don’t flirt with that other woman.”
The Cuban Heritage Collection will display two fans donated by the Marquesa de tal y tal in the main reading room starting…. The abanico is an important acquisition of the CHC as it references the traditions and routines of love and family formation in nineteenth and twentieth-century Cuba.

My Grandma (Abuelita) asks: "What are you going to do tonight, Clari?"
me: "I don't know, maybe some cocaine or else heroine.... not sure what I feel like just yet....."
Abuelita: "Cocaine is better.... then what?"
My abue is the bomb. the fucking bomb.
---disclaimer: Never done either drug, I said it for shock value.... but she didn't blink an eye...---

short convo between two Valdespino cousins about love

Sara: "I remember you with Luis, you seemed so in love."
Me: "Yeah, well, I was. But love is fleeting."
Sara: "huh?"
Me: "I mean love always goes away. The Clari you have known for the last four years, that is what is real. And that had nothing to do with love."

Sari y Clari

 

Valdespino Cousins

 

comemierda

After dinner today, uncle lou and mane (my aunt) were "discussing" something and I, adding to the noise, was asking about who wanted coffee. While all this bulla was going on, I hear abuelita quietly murmuring to herself while washing some plates.... when I got close, she was saying in a hushed voice, "ay, what bullshitters these people are.... so much bullshit all the time...sheesh.... dame paciencia, virgencita, dame paciencia." "Abuelita!" I exclaimed. And she proceeded with, "what? you don't think you don't add to the comemierderia around here? who wants coffee, who wants coffee? YOU want coffee."

Then uncle lou chimed in, "Mami, what is going on? Why are you upset? What did we do?" and Abuelita's reply, "I think I need coffee."

comemierda

After dinner today, uncle lou and mane (my aunt) were "discussing" something and I, adding to the noise, was asking about who wanted coffee. While all this bulla is going on, I hear abuelita quietly murmuring to herself while washing some plates.... when I got close, she was saying in a hush voice, "ay, what bullshitters these people are.... so much bullshit all the time...sheesh.... dame paciencia, virgencita, dame paciencia."

abuelita and I about living too long

Me to Abuelita: "Abuelita, did you know you have lived three of my lifetimes? How did you do that? Isn't that just way too long? Geesh, I can't imagine facing two more of these...."
Abuelita: "Yes, it was long!! It was too long, but I don't want to die yet. I just don't want to live another one. I am so very torn."
Me:"Yeah, I barely want to finish this one. Geesh, I can't imagine two more. I would be torn too. But if you die, I will die too. So we have to figure out something. I love you Abuelita."
Abuelita:"I love you too, crazy one."

Life as a grad student

I know I should feel lucky. I should feel privileged that I have had the opportunity to get a graduate education, not paid a cent to be a professional student.... but I have to admit it has been a shitty experience. Instead of saying I feel lucky to be a grad student, I can only say that I feel lucky that in about two years this part of my life will be over. My cousin asked me today what I thought about her going to graduate school-- was it worth it? did I enjoy my freedom? was school very difficult? did I feel hassled by my advisor? And I had no idea what I should say to her. Part of me wanted to encourage her to continue her education because when asked in vague and general terms, I believe that the more education a person has, the better able they are prepared to tackle the world around them. But practically speaking, I wanted to yell at her, "RUN! RUN AWAY! FUCK IT! WORK YOUR BUTT OFF AND MAKE SOME FREAKING MONEY!"

I have to say that when thinking about the job market, I am very worried. The stupid press continues to publish that the careers of the future are in education-- specifically, university level-- and that people should go back to school. Meanwhile, the university hiring-system exists in a permanent hiring freeze and very few individuals can find worthy, tenure-potential jobs. In fact, I am not even sure I will work in academia and, yet, I cannot imagine myself working in any other sphere. I am hyper-educated, and absolutely unqualified for most jobs. I am the most qualified, unqualified person I know.... well, besides other doctoral candidates.... I guess I could lie to future employers and, if you are a future employer... hire me, please!,.... but, yeah.... it has been quite an experience.

I guess, in certain ways, I am lucky. Everyone I know who was married or in serious relationships when they began grad school have lost those marriages and/or relationships. During my master's degree, I lost a love of mine, but since then I have been free and clear of any serious relationships in any shape or form. whew.... thank goodness.... uh huh, yeah. Just mindlessness and awkwardness since my entrance into serious grad school, i.e. UNC. Mindlessness and awkwardness, to say the least.

My cousin told me she just felt that grad school would be a great place for her to meet interesting people, who were articulate and sophisticated. I immediately retreated to memories of German Historians singing Nazi Anthems at a bar in Chapel Hill while laughing hysterically and completely bombed during my first year of grad school.... not articulate or sophisticated.... just stupidity, given an unfortunate and misguided sense of validity. IF YOU ARE A GERMAN HISTORIAN YOU NEVER SING NAZI ANTHEMS AND THEN LAUGH..... the holocaust is plain not funny. My response to my little cousin was, "I met one interesting person and a whole bunch of looney-tunes. The person I met was just as depressed and cynical as I and that is how we bonded. Don't go for the people, go for the work, if anything."

It is too bad that in order to be successful in grad school one must follow the great advisors, despite bad locations, rather than move to a great location and register in the local school. So many great schools exist in such horrible and isolated locations. I lost three years of my precious young life in Chapel Hill, being in Miami makes my grad school experience nominally better.... but, I am still not convinced.

I don't think I would do this again. I would get a nice, difficult (the word should be challenging.... but I am depressed and cynical so my word choice of difficult is reflective of how I see the world.... not as something to overcome, but something I am forced to deal with) job in Washington D.C. or New York and try to work my way up the ladder. I might seek a master's degree for pay reasons, but the monetary benefits of the PhD do not equal the losses endured monetarily and emotionally to achieve the doctorate degree. I have had wonderful experiences with university students as a TA, but as the future is so unstable it is hard to imagine myself teaching university students forever. And, I am sorry, but 15 thousand is never a living-wage, I don't care what anyone says to dispute that fact. Nor do I feel like dealing with other competitive academics in a professional manner. One of the worst experiences of grad school was dealing on a very daily basis with competitive grad students.I came into the grad school experience with a very utopian, UCHICAGO-mentality.... education is about listening and learning.... appreciating and valuing others' insight, trying your best and working on a daily basis to improve. Everyone else seemed to believe that education was all about one-upping, fuck enrichment and sharing. Fuck trying to answer questions or concerns about the readings we encountered. Let's tear this shit up and explain why we are so much better--- despite the author being a nobel laureate and a two-time Art and Sciences Academic award-winner. I always wondered.... why do people compete with one another? The subject matter we all deal in is completely at odds (I am one of five people who work on Cuba and within the Cubanists, none of us work on the same topic or time period... i.e. there is nothing to fight about... there is no fight! EVEN LESS SO BETWEEN A GERMANIST AND CUBANIST or AFRICANIST for that matter), and no one is writing on the same topic. It is wonderful that you have an article published, but your article reflects nothing on my non-article status and vice-versa. So why compete? I just don't understand. Isn't the goal finishing the dissertation? Focus on the dissertation. Please. Get done, get out. quickly.

Obviously, I am getting desperate to leave this incredibly dismal period in my life. Writing is just another word for isolation and, while, I appreciate my freedom-- no one else has as much freedom and so life as a grad student is really lonely. Hopefully, my cousin will read this posting and see my answer jumping from the page.... you have been warned!

Why Study Cuba?

After being at the Cuban Heritage Collection for 6 weeks, I have found tons of sources and realize how much I still need to learn to write this dissertation! To be honest, I feel overwhelmed and I have moments when I can't imagine actually finishing this monumental task. When I look around the main room of the archive, I always focus in on all the different faces of other researchers who have dedicated their lives and work to the study of Cuba. Often times they are Cuban, but sometimes they are German, Irish, Mexican, Puerto Rican, American.... what have you.... and I wonder to myself, "Why would you choose such a profession, without any personal connection to the island?" I didn't wake up one day and think to myself, "I am going to work on..... hmmmm...... Croatia." That sounds nice, and bam! I was working on Croatia. So I decided to ask a few individuals why.....

I have pondered this question for a long time, to be honest. Since I moved to UNC and realized I was the only Cuban studying the island of Cuba in the group. My fellow grad students were from all over the place and had told me that their interests had stemmed from a range of reasons: two such individuals had visited the island and fell in love with its "quirkiness", one wanted to study Haiti, but couldn't because the archives were in shambles and so instead chose Cuba as a runner-up option, and another stated that she had read some Cuban poetry in college and it caught her attention, so she decided to apply to grad school. I kept my mouth shut at all these responses, but to be honest, I was appalled. These weren't reasons to study Cuba. Cuba isn't a hobby or something fascinating to be anthropologized. It is a living, breathing economy and society which deserves respect, not some off-handed interest. A new girl joined our group of historians and I asked her the same question and she said, ".... some places just capture the imagination...." and that was her reason for studying Cuba. I don't get it. I understand believing in the Revolution and understanding the processes that led to its creation much better than I understand the "capturing of the imagination" scenario. I understand being apart of the community and seeking to learn its history and preserve it. I understand trying to understand a complex society and diaspora or being a member of the American community and trying to understand Cuba as it relates to American society.... for that matter, being Spanish or Venezuelan and researching Cuba as it relates to those societies' historical pasts..... but just randomly? because you liked it? I like ice cream, but I haven't dedicated my life to it. The reasons given to me by my colleagues on why they wanted to study Cuba do not give me confidence that, in the future, Cuba's history will be done justice.
The biggest problem with these individuals working on Cuba is that they consider themselves experts on the subject, when they have no real clue about the island, the culture, the heroes and idols, the every day life and times of Cubans today, let alone in the past. If you can't understand the culture, language and daily routines of people in the present, how will you ever truly understand the past? I have been asked many a time by my colleagues about simple things such as what type of food... tal y tal is.... and why couldn't you say papaya, and instead had to say fruta bomba..... if someone doesn't know these little ins and outs of the Cuban culture, how can you possibly even postulate to know the past? One great example of this perceived expertise by my colleagues was when a historian I know, actually had the audacity to correct my Spanish-- despite Spanish not being her first language, her never even being in Miami or Cuba or any island for that matter, and not really speaking the language great at all. If you know the language well, then fine.... correct me.... but not if you learned it in Kansas or Oklahoma..... Connecticut or Washington State, North Carolina or Georgia..... She actually told me, "according to the real academia, you don't need to say tu in front of a verb." I responded, "that is just how some people speak..., especially Cubans...." and she looked at me incredulously and said, "no." She was also the one screaming to the high heavens that she loved papaya and got upset when I told her to never say that...... (papaya means a woman's private area for most Cubans.... so she was yelling, "I love women's privates!" over and over again. I am very worried about the future telling of Cuban history if the sources up for analysis are studied by individuals like these.....

Anyway, this is just a rant about the problems of studying Cuba from the diaspora. Cuba is not a curiosity or something "neat"..... it is hard to take these people seriously or to even care about their impressions, analysis and understandings of the past.

los hombres perdidos y el muertico.

My father's generation of men are completely lost. Among my friends, very few have great relationships with their fathers....

I have heard so many stories regarding how messed up all my friends fathers are. Some men cheat on their wives by successively finding new women, marrying them, cheating again, marrying again and so on. Others, just never show up at the time of their children's birth and the worst of the worst are those that stick around when it fits their carousing schedules and leave when the children or wife don't match what the man wants.

My friends, despite these horror stories, all have a lot of humor about the inadequacies of their fathers and through the years I have heard some pretty crazy cuentitos about how whacked men get in their mid-life crises.

Friday night, a friend of mine told me one such story.

Her father, had recently left her mother for a women from Venezuela. Well, the honest truth was that he met the woman 4 years before, had a child with that same woman three years before and had been leading a double life. One in the US and one in Venezuela.

In the US, the father never owned a car and so, to impress his children of his newly established ex-wife, he set out to buy one. One day, her father pulled up in the front of the house, knocked on the front door and presented his children to "el muertico" (the little corpse) and to his surprise his children refused to drive around with him in it. He had bought a hearse. A black, long cabin, windows in the back with curtains around the side, hearse. While he believed his children would enjoy the spaciousness of the back portion of the car..... he thought they could lay down there, play games, even use the car as a sort of tent when camping...., well, to no one who has any understanding of children's surprise, his kids were frightened and mortifyingly embarassed. Their mother knew she had "won".... if a single-mother with several kids can ever really win, that is.

Because the kids were so scared, my friend's father decided to hand-cut the top of the hearse off. If the top did not exist, the hearse would look like a "truck" and the kids would be more inclined to join him on the grand adventures he had planned for everyone and himself. He would be a hero. He wanted to be a hero. He returned in "el muertico" and drove in the coolest looking truck/convertible-hearse anyone had ever seen. His daughter told me that it really just looked like a scary hearse whose top portion had been hand cut with regular ol' scissors and a raving lunatic dad hanging out in front, dirty-looking and with his mustache flailing in the wind coming into the cabin from the gaping hole of the "convertible" section of the car.

I have no intention to use this as a lesson for those crazy fathers out there.... I just thought it should be documented.

los santeros next door

I met a Santero yesterday. Well, in reality, I met him a while ago. But I really spoke to him yesterday. He invited me into his home and showed me a bunch of cositas he had all throughout the house. I met Cuca, his African parrot, who screams "oye!oye!" and "Cafe, Cafe" looking for attention. The parrot is greyish blue with beautiful orangy-red feathers on its tail. Joey-- his name is really Jose-- (the Santero)told me the bird was the main bird of Santeros. When you are initiated into the religion, the red feathers are plucked from the bird and put into the hair of the initiate. Cuca loved Joey, you could tell. From the moment he entered the room, she watched him from the side of her head.... following his movements with her one little eye. And when he would ask for a kiss, she would face her head down, stick her head out to the side,straining her neck and then make a strange hissing squawk.

Joey showed me the two bedroom apartment, my apartment is only one bedroom. He was very nice and seemed happy to speak to me. He showed me the room where he kept all his santeria statues and it was very cool. I couldn't actually step into the room, because you have be freshly out of the shower to step into the room. But from the outside of the door, he pointed out statues and idols and told me who they were and what they were doing. Chango, was in a bowl and above him Bananas were hanging. In order for Chango to be in the room with the other gods, he must have bananas, otherwise he causes trouble and messes shit up because he feels disrespected and uncared for. Chango was not standing, he was placed on his side in the bowl. Joey said that was in case Chango got fiesty-- it would be more difficult for him to mess shit up if he was off-balance.

All the doors in the Santero's house were decorated with Palm fronds and other little items whose working qualities I am unaware. Joey told me that all santeros have Palm fronds above their doors, so as to catch pieces of the spirits as they enter and leave a room. I liked that idea--- that you don't necessarily need the whole spirit, just parts of them. Any part of them would be better than nothing.

I am researching and writing slowly my dissertation and poco a poco I am learning how deeply imbedded santeria was in the development of Cuban culture. I have always been surrounded by hints of santeria through my father's family. They never speak about what they practice, but sometimes I will find empty glasses of water below crucifixes or old cuban coins left in salt and water next to the bed. Mangos under the bed, and yes, bananas hanging over doors, just like Joey's bananas for Chango. I told Joey about some of the things my Tia Ana would do and he wasn't sure if it was Santeria or Espiritismo. He thought she was a medium. I just don't know. I would ask Tia Ana,"Que haces Tia? Porque haces esto?" and her reply was simply, "por costumbre". And then some nights she would disappear. Who knows, she won't tell me..... to her I am too white and mami's family would only judge her (this is according to her).

 

Sola

where I come from-- according to abuelita. :)

abue to me: “Mira, gracias a dios tu puedes caminar derechito. Durante tu bautizo, yo estaba en la casa de tu madrina…. Y tu tía Ana estaba ahí y teníamos que quedar juntitas en un cuarto. Cuando fuimos preparando para dormir tu tía se puso a cruzarse, de repente estaba clapping and putting her hands up to the sky! Estaba esperando algo, de verdad, como estaba esperando algo!…. Y yo quieta en la cama. No quería dormirme ahí… pensé que el cielo me iba a caer encima. Tanta brujería de una señora que parecía tan normal. Ay, Clarisita, gracias a dios tu puedes caminar derechito, solo dios sabe lo que estaba haciendo la señora esa. De ahí vienes tu, gracias a dios tu eres normal...”

Abuelita hates my glasses.

Abuelita and I:"Clarisita, do you really need to wear those glasses? I mean really?"-- "Yes, Abuelita, I have an astigmatism and that gives me migraines.... why?" -- "Well, I don't want to be rude and don't take me wrong, but you look... nerdy." -- "well... I am." -- "True, but that is not what you want to project to the WHOLE world. Look at me, I am a nerd! No, no Clarisita. You're pretty, emphasize it."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hispanic Scholarship Fund App

1. Hispanic Heritage:
Imagine a very white-haired, eighty-one year old Cuban abuelita holding a cup of coffee in one hand and using her other hand to point her crooked, wrinkly fingers accusingly at her granddaughter. The abuelita states curtly to the granddaughter, “Wai dew gyou speeck Spaneesh con un acento Mexicano? Dyu know gyou are Quban, no?” I am the granddaughter in this anecdote and my answer to my grandmother is always “Yes, of course!” However, secretly I always amend that statement in my head, embracing the fact that I am a product of my environment and my environment is a mixture of three cultures.
I have always struggled with questions concerning my own national and ethnic identity. Growing up on the beaches and in the countryside between San Diego and Baja California, Mexico, I was able to merge these different identities into one identity. In my home I was Cuban, in the neighborhood I was a Latina with a Mexican accent, and at school I was the “white” girl who had a Spanish-sounding name. Leaving my home and transnational life in San Diego, I moved to the very segregated atmosphere of Chicago.
My experience at the University of Chicago was not only an academic experience, but also an exercise in living as a “Latin American” in an “all-American” city. Before living in Chicago, I never encountered racial segregation; I had never felt threatened because of the way I appeared, and I realized for the first time that my life in San Diego was very sheltered because of the “transnationality” of this border city. In San Diego, I had grown accustomed to juggling accents and cultures to match the environments that surrounded me. In Chicago this juggling act did not work, and I was no longer able to be a mixture of cultures and identities.
This necessity to identify myself within the color-coded world of Chicago forced me to think about the different cultures that influenced me on a daily basis. After realizing I did not know the history of Caribbean or Mexico, I began to take classes in Latin American history and in Spanish Language and Literature. The focus of Latin American history at the University of Chicago was placed on political uprisings and social upheavals within Latin America. I wrote my bachelor's thesis (BA) on Cristina Garcia's Dreaming in Cuban, which dealt with family members in both Cuba and the United States after the revolution. I analyzed the depiction of the immigrant's experience in the United States from both a historical and literary perspective.
In June 2004, I moved to Miami to learn about and live in the “diaspora” culture of my parents. My master’s thesis was entitled “An Analysis of US Print Media’s Coverage of the Cuban Transition since the Clinton Administration”. I evaluated how the “Cuban Transition” was covered by the Miami Herald, El Nuevo Herald, New York Times and the Washington Post. I never planned on working towards a doctorate degree but while pursuing my master’s I found that I excelled in academia and enjoyed studying Latin America and Cuba. Through working with HSF at the University of Miami I found that I enjoyed mentoring younger students to accomplish their academic goals. At the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill, I am working to become a historian of Latin America who specializes in Cuba and Mexico. My personal and educational paths have finally crossed allowing me to work as leader in the Latino community and contribute to academic understandings of Latin America. I intend to dedicate my professional life to supporting the inclusion of minorities in academia.



2. Community Service / Volunteer Work:
After graduating from the University of Chicago in June 2004, I worked with the Mexican Consulate in Chicago and I experienced public policy-making for Latin American immigrants firsthand. I became a Volunteer Chair for La Semana Binacional de Salud, which provided free medical services to all Latinos, with or without legal status. The health week, initially sponsored by the University of California at Berkeley, has grown to be sponsored in many different states. I was part of Illinois' inaugural year. In Guanajuato, Mexico, I went to a conference where both American and Mexican officials spoke about the possibility of creating a bi-national health plan so that Mexicans can be covered on both sides of the border. I found the whole event inspirational and motivating --two countries working to try and benefit the immigrants that affect both their nations. Through this work, I realized that I would like to further my education in Latin American Studies in an effort to promote political cooperation between Latinos in the US and abroad.
While writing my master’s thesis at the University of Miami, I became involved with the Hispanic Scholarship Fund. Through this organization, I worked with students at the Hialeah Campus of Miami-Dade Community College. My role was to work with Spanish-speaking students advising them on how to stay in college, while also helping them to understand the rules and requirements of transferring from a two-year college to a four-year institution. The students I counseled were very driven, but often times did not have the language ability necessary to navigate in a mainly English-driven institution. Guiding students as to where to take ESL classes, helping them to find funding for those classes and lastly, helping them to enroll in those classes, was a large part of my job. I learned through this experience that while many students are driven, they lack resources either due to their background or financial circumstances.
At the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill, I have been an active participant in academic programs dealing with Latin American and Caribbean studies, including participating in conferences (The Consortium of Duke/UNC Studies of Latin America Conference and working groups, the Latin American Studies Association conference in Rio de Janeiro, 2009), teaching classes about Latin America (as a teacher’s assistant to professors Kathryn Burns and John Chasteen) and volunteering my time in community-based organizations such as CHICLE in Carrboro, NC and UNC’s Institute for the Study of the Americas. At CHICLE, I tutor immigrants from Central America and Mexico in English. At the Institute for the Study of the Americas, I volunteer for a project which is collecting and cataloguing movies that document the immigrant experience of Latinos in the United States. This film project aims to increase the public’s awareness of the problems that immigrants face immediately after leaving their homelands. In North Carolina my work with Latin American communities has focused on educating and correcting misconceptions about the Latino community as held by students and members of the public. My work addresses topics of prejudice held by the public of North Carolina in an effort to promote and sustain local opportunities for Latinos to prosper and succeed in the community and in academia.
Since graduating from the University of Chicago in 2004, I have been deeply committed to working with Hispanic communities throughout the US. My ultimate goal is to become a historian, a teacher and role-model for the Hispanic community. I intend to continue my commitment towards promoting the success of Latinos in education and academia throughout my career and hope your foundation will sponsor my efforts.

3. Overcoming an Academic Challenge:
While studying for my undergraduate degree at the University of Chicago, I realized I wanted to become an “expert” on Cuba. I spoke with many professors in the college and they warned that as an expert on Cuba, I would need to visit the island. While the appeal of visiting the “forbidden” island may seem exciting for most young students, I was terrified. Both my father and mother’s families are Cuban-American; I grew up hearing horrible stories about the island and learned from a very young age, the island was untouchable—at least until Fidel Castro and his brother left.
My reasons for wanting to study Cuba were simple: I wanted to support and promote change on the island and I realized that I must study the island inside and out. While strongly anti-Castrista, my family was never anti-Cuba. They were very active in the Miami-Cuban political environment. I grew up attending rallies for Elián González, saving cans and selling tickets to dances that would benefit Hurricane Andrew victims in the Cuban community, participating in CANF-sponsored social clubs and listening daily to my adult relatives debate the effects of the revolution on Cuban society.
When I moved to Miami to pursue my master’s degree, I began to investigate the various Cuban organizations in the city. I wanted to immerse myself in the political culture of Cuban-Americans in Miami. Finally, I was an adult and I could speak during meetings, argue with other members of these groups and participate in a manner which I thought would actually benefit the Cuban community. Once I entered these meetings I found that while the groups were indeed charitable and beneficial to the Miami-community they were not interested in helping Cuba or Cubans on the island.
My political interest in Cuba is two-fold: I want to document, educate and support Cubans and Cuban-American communities in the United States. I also want to improve the conditions of individuals living on the island and become part of a community that aims to foster an improved relationship between Cuba and the United States. I moved to North Carolina in attempt to learn and begin to teach, in a more tolerant environment, about the island.
The first time I went to Cuba I was not able to tell my mother or my family about the trip. While in Havana, I felt guilty about walking through the streets that my family had fled fifty years earlier and decided to call my mother. When mami answered she asked, “Where are you? The line is very strange…” I answered, “I am in Havana…. Cuba.” Mami hung up. Twenty-minutes later I called and my mother answered, “I am angry, but how is it?” Since that trip, two years have passed and my mother is still the only person in my family to know. She has asked me not to tell my abuelita or any other members in the family to not upset them.
I have faced problems regarding racism, language barriers and insufficient resources due to lack of money and my parent’s refugee/immigrant statuses. However, the largest hurdle I have faced as a Latino scholar is balancing my academic life with my personal and political home life. Academics are often fervent supporters of the revolution and while I believe that some benefits did result from the revolution, I am less enthusiastic about this period in Cuba’s past given what it signifies to my family. As a historian, my main intent is to understand Cuba’s past and work towards promoting more normalized relations between US citizens, Cubans, Cuban-Americans, and Cuba with the United States.

It is spring in Chapel Hill and everything is beginning to bloom. My favorites are the cherry blossoms. Two weeks of pretty start now and so I am trying to enjoy it while it lasts!

In another note, I am 28 today. I was driving earlier today and realized "Holy JOE! I am 28. How did that happen?"

The Women in White Protest and are later attacked by government officials

http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/03/18/1534853/protesters-punched-dragged.html?plckFindCommentKey=CommentKey:52912438-8edf-424f-9d25-6f270691a8e8

Another example of how "Free Speech" in Cuba is eradicated. The inability for citizens to express their discontent with their conditions in Cuba is frightening..... especially when any protest, any confrontation with the government, ends in blows.

Current economic interests in Cuba

Current economic interests in Cuba

The Second Hunger Striker....

Cuban dissident on hunger strike is rushed to hospital
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* Photos

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* Hunger strikers risk their lives to fight tyranny
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By JUAN O. TAMAYO
jtamayo@ElNuevoHerald.com

Cuban dissident Guillermo Fariñas, who has been refusing food and water for a week, lost consciousness and was rushed to a hospital Wednesday morning, one of his supporters reported.

Fariñas was in his home in Santa Clara, praying a rosary with visiting supporters, when he ``suffered a strong pain in his chest and lost consciousness,'' said Licet Zamora Carrandi, who described herself as a spokeswoman.

``Several people rushed into the street, flagged down a car and took him to the hospital,'' Zamora said. Fariñas was still unconscious when he was put aboard the car, she added.

There was no immediate word on his status at the hospital, Zamora told El Nuevo Herald via telephone from Fariñas' home.

Ismel Iglesias, a dissident physician who checked on Fariñas, believed the loss of consciousness was the result of low blood sugar, she added.

Fariñas was one of five Cuban dissidents -- the other four are in prison -- who launched hunger strikes last week to protest the death of jailed hunger striker Orlando Zapata and demand the release of all political prisoners. Fariñas also has called for the release of some two dozen political prisoners reported to be in ill health,

The 48-year-old psychologist and independent journalist also has stopped drinking water despite his poor health as a result of more than 20 previous hunger strikes.

Several of the other hunger strikers later called off their protests but Fariñas told journalists Tuesday that he would persevere ``until the last consequences.''

View from my bed. Can you tell I can't make mind up on what I'd like to read each evening?